Relapse

Relapse in recovery means returning to behaviors that have been removed from our life. We all have demons in our closets because none of us are perfect. My demons are different than other people's but they are still there. However, God is giving me the strength and power to overcome these difficulties in my life. But there are moments when I still struggle. My past weaknesses are something I fight against. Thankfully God has given me tools to succeed so I am strong enough to overcome these challenges but after sharing my testimony I lost it entirely. The test was powerful. It was deep and dark and the abyss was black and gloomy. Nothing helped. Peace came in faint glimmers but then darkness returned with a vengeance. A friend texted me as I fought through the blackness and she prayed for me. Some peace came but the gloominess remained. My pain was intense and deep dark painful thoughts formed in my mind. Visions of self-destruction and taking my life surfaced. All I felt was blackness no matter what I did. I felt trapped. Nothing was helping for long and suddenly I was turning to self-harm to ease my pain as tears coursed down my face. The darkness and anguish continued into the next day. Finally, I emailed the pastor of my leadership team and he told me that after doing something for God like sharing my testimony with others I would be attacked. He was positive and helpful and prayed for me. The darkness left. Maybe I did relapse but I got back up again and will continue to press forward. My relapse is just a reminder that I'm not perfect. I will have bad days but I must not give up and throw in the towel. God will help me overcome.

What are your demons? It is important to identify these things. Healing comes first by admitting a weaknesses and secondly by asking God to help us overcome these weaknesses. Then we need to develop a team of people that we can call when we are struggling. These individuals will pray for us and encourage us on our recovery journey. Then we must begin taking a daily inventory that allows us to look at the good and bad things we are doing and the victories we are having. With God's power and a daily commitment to spending time in prayer and Bible reading, changes will happen in our lives. It is possible to overcome these difficulties when we apply these steps. God aches for us to overcome our struggles. With His power nothing is impossible. Heavenly Father please help us take the steps to overcoming our hurts, habits, hang-ups and addictions. Give us the willingness and power to work the steps needed to make recovery possible.