Brokenness

Last year was a challenging year in so many ways. Just when I was beginning to recover and God was beginning to heal me, Satan came along and shattered the work God had been doing. One thing after another happened to crush me. Every month I was faced with one challenging situation after another. God kept me strong and courageous throughout the difficulties of last year. But one last thing happened at the end of the year to crush me deeply, wounding me even more. The past few months have been difficult ones as I have struggled with the aftermath of last year. So much of last year was spent pushing through one thing after another. For over four months I had to remain strong and manage all the household tasks, work and care for my daughter who was dealing with medical challenges. Month after month passed as I persevered through the stressors of last year. God sustained me. Our year ended with us spending time with family to recover from our year. But months have passed and again I am feeling worn out and exhausted. Last year's storms drained and battered me. I feel like a ship that went through huge storms at sea and now needs time to be repaired and mended. Now that the storm is over, the situations from last year plague and torment my mind. The stress of life now although less than last year is overwhelming. I find myself getting easily stressed out and exhausted. What I need is time away from the storms so I can recover. Some of the things God had removed from my life are slowly making their way into my thoughts through those cracks that were exposed last year. It's just temptations and thoughts that used to plague me but still, it's a door that has opened through the devastation of last year. Now I am working on a way to restore and remedy this. Luke 11:24-26 says, "When an unclean spirit comes out of a man, it passes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ On its return, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and brings seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and dwell there. And the final plight of that man is worse than the first.”

Brokenness is something Satan uses to try to destroy us. When we are weak he begins to attack and say things to discourage, create anxiety, torment, depress and create despair. Our job must be to find ways to allow God to minister to us. Maybe it's through music, nature, sponsors, friends, helping with church ministries, reading the Bible, praying, singing, drawing . . . there are many ways. We must find a way to fill those things God has removed with other activities so that Satan cannot get a foothold into us to create devastation inside of us. With God's help we can begin to listen to Him and reach for Him even when we are lonely, feeling isolated or discouraged. God is the only one who can fill these weaknesses inside of us that will protect us from the enemy. He aches to do this work in each of our lives.

As I think about my year last year I am reminded of china. God had repaired me, the china dish, by weaving threads of gold in between the cracks inside of me. But Satan came along and shattered that china and God is working on repairing me all over again. This time there will be even more gold interspersed in the china. God will take the scars, cracks and disaster of last year and He will work it into something even more beautiful than it was. My job is to trust Him. I must turn to Him and ask Him to restore me. Every day that I ask Him to remove the marred character defects and brokenness inside of me, He begins to work. The healing happens. Beauty comes out of the fragments. God restores things again.

We must continue to reach out to God, to tell Him our thoughts and our pain and ask Him for help. When we do this God always promises to come to our aid.

Maybe you are dealing with brokenness in your life. Maybe you are on your knees holding the fragments of broken china in your hands wondering if the pain and anguish that is there will ever change. It may be difficult to see how this sorrow and suffering can ever be turned into good. Everything seems dark and hopeless but we must not stay focused on that. Our job must be to turn to God, to give Him that brokenness, that disaster, that pain and ask Him to help us in our mess. As we kneel with tears streaming from our eyes, we can be assured that God is right there with us crying alongside us. He's ready to hold us in His arms and comfort us. No pain of ours is ever beyond His recognition. He sees all of our suffering and pain. His desire is to make us whole again. May we run to God's open arms and ask for Him to help us today. He aches to turn us into beautiful pieces of gold-laced china.